Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
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Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
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Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
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Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
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Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: October 5, 2009
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
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Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: October 6, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A Special Offer from Flying Scot
DEMO BOAT – FIVE YEAR NEW BOAT WARRANTY
In case you have the itch for a new Flying Scot with a custom deck color here is your chance to do it at a great price. Check out the details;
Flying Scot 5910 – model year 2010, custom color light blue deck, white hull, medium blue waterline, custom light blue gelcoat centerboard cap, with white centerboard trunk and light blue floor with blue and white splatter on the floor, with our radical race package rigging + JDC tiller extension, Conception line for main sheet, jib sheet and spinnaker sheets, including Mad Sails; Main, Jib, and AirX Spinnaker, bucket, paddle, chamois, throwable cushion, anchor and line, nose wheel jack and spare tire with mount for trailer
– Top, bottom and mast covers available at additional cost –
With the racing package you get the lines led to the triple console on the trunk, internal spinnaker sheets, etc.
This custom beauty is currently stored under cover at the Rudder Club in Jacksonville FL.
Price complete with Trailex aluminum trailer ONLY $17,500.00
In case you have the itch for a new Flying Scot with a custom deck color here is your chance to do it at a great price. Check out the details;
Flying Scot 5910 – model year 2010, custom color light blue deck, white hull, medium blue waterline, custom light blue gelcoat centerboard cap, with white centerboard trunk and light blue floor with blue and white splatter on the floor, with our radical race package rigging + JDC tiller extension, Conception line for main sheet, jib sheet and spinnaker sheets, including Mad Sails; Main, Jib, and AirX Spinnaker, bucket, paddle, chamois, throwable cushion, anchor and line, nose wheel jack and spare tire with mount for trailer
– Top, bottom and mast covers available at additional cost –
With the racing package you get the lines led to the triple console on the trunk, internal spinnaker sheets, etc.This custom beauty is currently stored under cover at the Rudder Club in Jacksonville FL.
Price complete with Trailex aluminum trailer ONLY $17,500.00
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Flying Scot racing in December
After last weekend's chilly weather in Jacksonville we were looking for some warmer weather and we got it. It was really an awesome day to be sailboat racing in December. I think it got up to about 76 degrees, that combined with a sweet breeze;
and a Christmas party after sailing, and it's all good.
A couple of "the regulars" couldn't make it but there were 7 teams that did. I think we did 5 races (but maybe six) with pretty short legs so some sail handling was in order. Mark Taylor brought a ringer; Tina and they carried the day easily. Nice job!
Most of the fleet headed over to Mark's house for a Christmas party complete with the Chinese gift exchange thing. We made out better than most;
so no complaints here.
P.S Andy pocketed the much coveted "Dream Lips" lip treatment potion, much to Cameron's dismay! If you see Andy-lina you know what to do!!
Look at the before and after photos! That must be at least a 40% gain in plumpness... and no wrinkles!! AS SEEN ON TV
and a Christmas party after sailing, and it's all good.
A couple of "the regulars" couldn't make it but there were 7 teams that did. I think we did 5 races (but maybe six) with pretty short legs so some sail handling was in order. Mark Taylor brought a ringer; Tina and they carried the day easily. Nice job!
Most of the fleet headed over to Mark's house for a Christmas party complete with the Chinese gift exchange thing. We made out better than most;
so no complaints here.
P.S Andy pocketed the much coveted "Dream Lips" lip treatment potion, much to Cameron's dismay! If you see Andy-lina you know what to do!!
Look at the before and after photos! That must be at least a 40% gain in plumpness... and no wrinkles!! AS SEEN ON TV
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Gator Bowl Day 2
Two races Sunday in about 10 to 12 knots, mostly clear and cold.
Six races total w/ a throw out.
Results Summary;
1 Linton
2Brake/Wake
3Carpenter/Ross
4Thinel
5Taylor
Amy and Jeff collecting the first place loot!
Joe Brake and John Wake team up for second place
Wally moves to Tampa!!
Here we have some of the FL gang with Wally
Results go here
PS What happened to the Sarasota Fleet? Except Ron and Barry, the Ironmen of the FL District!
Six races total w/ a throw out.
Results Summary;
1 Linton
2Brake/Wake
3Carpenter/Ross
4Thinel
5Taylor
Amy and Jeff collecting the first place loot!
Joe Brake and John Wake team up for second placeWally moves to Tampa!!
Here we have some of the FL gang with WallyResults go here
PS What happened to the Sarasota Fleet? Except Ron and Barry, the Ironmen of the FL District!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Gator Bowl Day One
The steady rain from Friday continued through the night but began to break up by mid-morning Saturday. It was decidedly chilly but once the rain stopped it felt a whole lot better.
We got started shortly after noon in light breeze that built through the afternoon.
Very gusty and shifty conditions challenged the 19 boat fleet, there were many huge gains and losses with each shift. There were a couple capsizes which reportedly were quickly righted.
Jeff and Amy Linton were pretty untouchable, they had an OCS in the first race knocking them out of first place. Harry Carpenter with Bill Ross crewing lead the scoreboard after four races. We are tied with Mark Taylor for second and third. I don't have thec scores so will stop at that.
Donna and Jon are excellent hosts and the whole group here in Jax put together a great hot meal for us chilled sailors.
There will be a throw out with six races so if we get 2 in tomorrow, the whole situation could change.
We got started shortly after noon in light breeze that built through the afternoon.
Very gusty and shifty conditions challenged the 19 boat fleet, there were many huge gains and losses with each shift. There were a couple capsizes which reportedly were quickly righted.
Jeff and Amy Linton were pretty untouchable, they had an OCS in the first race knocking them out of first place. Harry Carpenter with Bill Ross crewing lead the scoreboard after four races. We are tied with Mark Taylor for second and third. I don't have thec scores so will stop at that.
Donna and Jon are excellent hosts and the whole group here in Jax put together a great hot meal for us chilled sailors.
There will be a throw out with six races so if we get 2 in tomorrow, the whole situation could change.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Flying Scots at the Gator Bowl Preview
Piggy hitched up and ready to leave the house
It is Friday evening and we are checked in to the hotel and have the heat on! WTF! It was a lousy day to travel;
Near Ocala on I-75 is that a motorcycle?
rain the whole way sometimes a little heavy but we encountered no real tie-ups just a little slow going which wasn't so bad.
And we thought traveling in the rain sucked
I guess it was almost 6 pm when we arrived at the club. We dumped the boat and went to Trents for dinner, their specialty is to fry stuff, mostly seafood and cold beer. In attendance were our hosts and fleet captain; Jon Hamilton/Donna Mohr, along with Harry Carpenter/Bill Ross, John Wake/Joe Brake, Amy/Jeff Linton and Kim and me. Others are en route but not in time for dinner, hope thier trip is good.
Early in the week the weekend forecast was fairly good, each day it got a little worse; colder and wetter. This morning the forecast for Saturday had a high of 56 with 100% chance of rain, that will cost us a few boats for sure. This evening the latest forecast is a high of 58 and 50% rain that should end early afternoon. Thats a little better so we'll go with it, and keep the heat on.
Out.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Talk about a crappy day
A while back I had to make appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, the Dr. showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. He explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left the office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?
This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on the Dr.?' How do you apologize for something like that? Even a really cold beer offering would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you were actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering (flying) around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to completely burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where the Dr was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew it had to be there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. They had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' came a reply, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like...
I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
The nurse was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when I was told that "It was all over", and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
I know you are thinking "What does this have to do with sailing?" Well, as I mentioned in the previous post we have missed the last 6 months of fleet races. Then it hit me, it was that damn colonoscopy! I had one done Friday June 12 the day before a fleet race where I was scheduled to do RC. Fortunently, Mark and Tom Taylor had their powerboat so I had it easy, I was still feeling a little "drained" from the "Space Shuttle" action and it was about 127 degrees that day. These colonoscopies are serious business!.
The other thing is the site has been getting some traffic so I thought I should say something, even if it was crap.
PS Credit for the story goes to Dave Barry, with some edits.
I left the office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon..
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?
This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on the Dr.?' How do you apologize for something like that? Even a really cold beer offering would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you were actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering (flying) around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to completely burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where the Dr was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew it had to be there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. They had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' came a reply, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like...
I have no idea. Really.. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
The nurse was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when I was told that "It was all over", and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
I know you are thinking "What does this have to do with sailing?" Well, as I mentioned in the previous post we have missed the last 6 months of fleet races. Then it hit me, it was that damn colonoscopy! I had one done Friday June 12 the day before a fleet race where I was scheduled to do RC. Fortunently, Mark and Tom Taylor had their powerboat so I had it easy, I was still feeling a little "drained" from the "Space Shuttle" action and it was about 127 degrees that day. These colonoscopies are serious business!.
The other thing is the site has been getting some traffic so I thought I should say something, even if it was crap.
PS Credit for the story goes to Dave Barry, with some edits.
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